Awkward Conversations between Suicide Squad That Avengers heard
by serialkiller13
Summary: Ok, so have you ever heard a conversation you wish you didn't hear, Well Suicide Squad it always having disturbing conversation the Avengers wish they hadn't heard. Suicide Squad verse, All avenger characters in the story, Jane and Pepper are here too. Rated M for very disturbing conversations.
1. Tony

**So I was watching sex in the city with my mom and the women in there are awesome but they have the most awkward conversations, so then my fan fiction wheels began turning and now we have this. So read it, review it, and enjoy it.**

** *o*O*o***

Tony didn't mind Loki's team of friends standing with him (Mostly because there were really hot women.) But Nick Fury wanted him to keep an eye on them since this was Loki they were talking about. Even though the god was reformed the director of shield didn't trust him or his friends so that's how Tony and the rest of the Avengers got stuck with them for the time being. Nobody really mind but kept their distance, so Tony was coming upstairs from his lab to get some food when he heard Loki talking to his friends, and decided to eavesdrop on them in case they were planning something….

"I mean I like the woman and all but she's changing my apartment," Loki said "I mean this morning before I came here, I wanted some coffee right, and I can't find my mug, and she said she rearranged the plates and glasses so I'm like ok I've been meaning to get organized lately so I like that side, so I when to find the coffee and she tells me she replaced all of the coffee with tea because its healthier, So I just go to Starbucks and get a latte…"

"Loki," The woman named Topaz said "Does this story have a point?"

"Topaz at least let him finish," The woman named Athena said "Go on Loki."

"Thanks," Loki said "So any way I was coming back from a council meeting when she said she had a present for me, and when I open it it's a rolling pin…."

"A rolling pin?" The woman named Sapphire "Why do you need a rolling pin?"

"That's what I said but she said in her country men are supposed to cook pies and bread," Loki said "And she notices I cook a lot from my books and got me a rolling pin."

"I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment." The woman named Diamond said.

"I'd take it as both," The woman named Harley said.

"So anyway," Loki continued "I decide to go to the gym and lift some weighs before I go back upstairs and take a shower and I notice she changed my towels…"

"Your regular ones or the decorative ones?" Sapphire asked.

"The decorative ones you help pick out," Loki said "She said it didn't go with the color scheme so she changed it…."

"I'm sorry sweetheart but that's an insult to me," Topaz said "I pick out your bathroom color."

"I know but I don't say anything because she's a really nice woman and all," Loki said "And she was doing my laundry so…"

"Ok so the woman who does your laundry without questioning why you have a cat suit with blood on it," Harley said "Ok deal breaker."

"But then she tells me she going to rearrange my draws," Loki said "And opens the top of my night stand and before I can say anything and she see things…"

"Wait, wait, wait," Diamond says "Your top draw of your night stand isn't that your…"

"She opened my goody draw." Loki said. All the women in the room gasp and start laughing before getting serious again, Tony would have laugh to if he knew what a goody draw was, he'll ask Pepper later….

"Dude no maid should see that," Athena said between giggles.

"What do you have in your goody draw anyway?" Topaz asked.

"You know the basics," Loki said "Hand cuffs, nipple camps, ring vibrator, gag, strawberry and chocolate flavored lube."

Oh, so that's what a goody draw was, damn Tony needed one of those. But the god of mischief having one was a very disturbing mental image.

"I don't have a goody draw, Loki," Sapphire said "I have a goody closet."

"I'm afraid to ask the content of that closet," Loki said.

"I use to have a goody closet but then I switch over to the draw," Harley said "It's more practical."

"I have both," Diamond said.

"Same here." Athena said.

"I use to have one then I got tired of replacing the batteries in my vibrator," Topaz said "Thank whatever gods that exist for one night stands."

"Aphrodite," Loki said "I would say Amora to but she's not a god."

"Wait," Sapphire said pointing to Athena and Diamond "You two have both?"

"Um yeah a girl's got to be prepared." Diamond said.

"I knew we were sisters." Sapphire said smirking.

"Hey I'm your cousin!" Athena said.

"You too but," Sapphire said.

"But what?" Athena said.

"It's kind of obvious we're related." Sapphire said.

"I'm not sure if I should be offended by that," Athena said.

"Wait Sapphire," Loki said "Tell me one thing that's in your closet."

Sapphire thinks for a second before saying "A saddle."

And everybody in the room burst out laughing, Tony was laughing in his hiding place but he wasn't spotted…

"Oh wait," Athena said.

"What?" Harley said.

"What's the most practical thing you have in a goody draw and or closet?" Athena asked.

"Lube." Loki, Harley, and Topaz said.

"A saddle." Sapphire and Diamond said.

"I say a sexy dominatrix outfit." Athena said.

Then Tony laughed so loud he fell from his hiding place and into the entrance of the kitchen, when he realized what happened he recovered himself and said "Sorry just needed some water." And went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water but before he left he said "Oh, and before I go the most practical thing you can have is a whip." And he walks out of there.

"He's not wrong you know," Loki said.

"We can all agree with that, right ladies?" Sapphire said and all of the women nodded.

*o*O*o*

Later that evening the Women and Loki decide to head over to his place for movie night and Tony told the Avengers what he heard Loki and Girls talk about today….

"That is very disturbing," Bruce said.

"I'm afraid I don't understand Man of Iron?" Thor said "What is this goody draw you speak off?"

"Thor pray to whatever god you keep that ignorance." Steve said blushing.

"You understood that, Steve?" Thor asked.

"Yep," Steve said "Ignorance is really bliss."

"I can believe Loki is into that stuff," Clint said "I'm going to have nightmares because of this."

"I don't see what the big deal is," Natasha said popping in a dumpling "I have a goody chest back at my place."

Then all five of the male Avengers stared at her and she just shrugged it off, than Pepper said "Yeah I have a goody draw at home but I'd never tell Tony what's in there."

"Pepper!?" Tony said shocked.

"What a girl's got needs Tony," Pepper said "Sometime you can't deliver."

Clint, Natasha, Bruce and Steve started laughing, Thor just looked confused, and Tony started blushing.

"Yeah," Jane said "I mean I have a vibrator named Thor, but I don't have a goody draw, closet, and/or chest."

At that everybody looked at Thor and started laughing, Thor was very confused so he asked "Isn't that a good thing?"

"Thor buddy," Tony said in between laughs "It means your manhood is a stake dude."

"It's always been at stake," Loki said coming into the living room with his friends.

"I thought you guys were at his apartment," Clint said.

"We were but then Athena here reminded me Tony has a big mouth so we came back to enjoy the show." Sapphire said.

"Yeah from what we heard so far," Topaz said "The women and man here aren't satisfied."

"Amen sweetheart." Loki, Natasha, Pepper, Jane, Sapphire, Diamond, Athena, And Harley said in unison before clinking there beer bottles together.

"You know what this reminds me of," Pepper said.

"What Miss Potts?" Loki said taking a swig of beer.

"Sex in the City." Pepper said.

And everybody started chatting at the same time mostly agreeing with Pepper. While they talked the men gather there dinner and went to a separate room to wallow in their pity of not performing in bed. Thor of coarse was still confused about it all and when Tony and Clint explain the man turned the color of his cape.

*o*O*o*

**Hmm, I know I have a dirty mind for a 14 year old but, tell me what you think chapter to is on its way. Review please.**

**Luv,**

**Serialkiler13**


	2. Clint

**Ok, chapter 2 people, and another awkward conversation, spotlight today Clint Barton aka Hawkeye. Let the awkwardness comments.**

** *o*O*o***

Clint Barton aka Hawkeye was a man with a mission, he need to relax in the beams of Stark Towers. But what he didn't expect was to see Suicide Squad talking in the living room. He knew the pattern by now whenever Loki was done with his errands for the day he would come and visit his friends and girlfriend Sapphire, and talk and probably gossip. The gossip wasn't that bad from what he heard Tony says last week so he decides to eavesdrop on them….

"So wait let me get this straight," Loki says "You couldn't go out in broad daylight with your motorcycle, because of the identity thing, right."

"Right," Topaz said.

"So your butler slash mentor says 'So then the Lamborghini, ma'am' "Loki said "That's hilarious."

"Yeah," Topaz said "I totaled my car but I stop the mayor from getting his death sentence."

"Yeah, I remember you morning your favorite car," Sapphire said "The woman sat near the totaled car crying and saying 'I save the mayor but I couldn't save you, I'm so sorry.'"

"Oh ha ha," Topaz said "You try losing your favorite car and tell me you won't morn."

"No," Diamond said "Because I don't get attach to motor vehicles."

"So anyway finish your story," Loki said.

"Ok, so a friend of mine took the fall for my alter ego," Topaz said "And I knew the bat shit crazy guy was going to come out and kill him, So I got on my cycle and race downtown to the armory truck to see another 18 wheeler pull up beside it and then I see the asshole pull out a bazooka…"

"A bazooka?" Harley said "Me and Loki have semi-automatic bazookas."

Loki has a bazooka? Damn the guy is insane; no wonder he's with these women.

"Yeah I know," Topaz said "But the thing is you guys use them to help people, the guy I was fighting didn't care."

"Ok," Loki said "Continue please."

"So I hear through the comm lines that I hack a grown man says 'I did not sign up for this', and I deflect the next bazooka and lure the truck away into and open street, and the guy tries to run me over but I slide under and attach mini grappling hooks about pen sized and the wires trip over the truck…"

"Damn that's awesomeness," Athena said.

"Yeah so then the guy crawls out and has a machine gun with him and a pocket knife, and shoots off a few rounds and says in a crazy voice 'Come hit me, hit me, I want you to hit me, come on hit me,' And I want coming towards him again and the man shouts 'HIT ME.' And wham! I hit him…"

"Whoa wait you hit him," Sapphire says.

"Yep," Topaz said sipping her tea.

"You hit and actually human being," Athena said.

"Humph," Topaz said.

"But what your code," Loki said.

"I didn't kill him," Topaz said "But his was and still is in a full body cast."

"Well you are a trooper puddin' I'll give you that," Harley says.

"I beat they loved you after that," Diamond said.

"Actually, they had me," Topaz said.

"What they hate you? Why?" Sapphire asked.

Yeah you save their asses why do they hate you?

"As it turns out the guy already had an unbeatable plan, and a lot of people died." Topaz said.

"Then how the hell is this a good story!?" Loki asked.

"Because I'm the hero they need but not the one it deserves," Topaz said "It's really cool when you think about it, but you know what I can do?"

"What?" Athena asked.

"Tell an incredibly awesome story." Topaz said "You know why?"

"BECAUSE I'M TOPAZ!" Topaz said dramatically.

Clint lost it after that the man fell down laugh on the coffee table and startled everybody…

"Clint?" Athena said "Were you spying on us?"

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH…" Clint said "I… um got to go over there," And Clint ran out of the room.

*o*O*o*

Later that evening Clint told the Avengers what he heard…

"I mean seriously dude," Clint said "Those women plus Loki equals insanity, hell they are insanity in its purest form."

"I still can't believe Loki has a bazooka," Tony said.

"Not just a bazooka," Bruce said "A semi-automatic bazooka."

"I can say for all of us," Steve said "That they're beautiful but they crazy."

"Amen." Tony said "Preach it dude."

"You know whenever I walk in here I always hear something about my day," Loki said coming into the room.

"Brother, would you care to join us for dinner?" Thor boomed happily.

"No I just came to get a six pack of beer," Loki said walking over to the wine cooler.

"Make 12 Loki," Sapphire said coming up behind him.

"24." Diamond said walking behind her.

"48." Topaz said.

"Guys hurry up," Athena said.

"Yeah we need to beat the traffic to get to Loki's place on time for the mixer." Harley said.

"Mixer?" Thor said confused.

"You're having a mixer?" Bruce said.

"Yes," Loki said handing the beer to Sapphire who flashed to his place.

"Why?" Tony said.

"Catching up with old friends." Loki said.

"No I meant why didn't you invite us?" Tony said.

"I…um….well…um," Loki said.

"Look we just don't want you there because we're just catching up with old friends, kay." Athena said.

"Yeah, let's go please." Harley said.

"Coming." Loki said walking to the elevator.

Leaving the Avengers to their dinner. When Natasha, Pepper and Jane came home later they asked what was wrong….

"Loki had a mixer and didn't invite us," Tony said.

"That mixer that was fun," Pepper said.

"Wait you went to the mixer?" Clint said.

"Yeah we were invited," Natasha said.

"And it was fun." Jane said.

"How did you guys get invited but we didn't." Bruce asked.

"You wouldn't have liked it," Pepper said "It was just women and Loki."

"Loki was in his male form?" Thor asked.

"Yes? Why?" Jane asked.

"Ok, ladies time to hit the hay," Pepper said "I'm a little buzzed from that weird drink bomb Natasha and Loki made."

"He got Pepper drunk!?" Tony exclaimed "What the hell I can barely get her to drink champagne!"

"Oh lighten up Tony," Jane said.

"But that was still one hell of a mixer." Natasha said.

When the ladies left, the entire Avengers crew laugh at Tony, for being stood up by Loki in the party department.

*o*O*o*

**Yeah Loki had a mixer, and the male Avengers weren't invited, and the party was fun. Review please.**

**Luv,**

**Serialkiller13**


	3. Steve

**And welcome back to Awkward conversations, the Stop light today is…Steve Rogers! Feel very sorry for Steve because when I get done with him he'll never be the same. MAWHAHAHA I'm so evil. Any way let the Awkwardness comments. **

** *o*O*o***

Steve Rogers was a man out of time, he was just getting the hang of technology (With a little help form Bruce) and was used to modern slang. So when he walking by the living room one day he hears Loki and his friends, Suicide Squad, in a very deep conversation…

"Seriously," Topaz said "I think we should do it!"

"Topaz has finally lost it." Diamond commented.

"I have not I mean it would be awesome," Topaz said "And it's a form of exercise."

"No, gymnastics is a form of exercise," Harley said doing a backbend on the mat she was on.

"Well," Sapphire said "Topaz isn't wrong and I would like to try it."

Try what?

"Well I have some experience," Loki said.

"By experience," Sapphire said "You mean you could have become a stripper, if you weren't a prince."

Loki a stripper? That's a disturbing mentally image.

"No, if my mother hadn't found out and gave me a lecture," Loki said.

"But still we should totally go pole dancing!" Topaz said.

Pole dancing? What's Pole dancing?

"Has Topaz finally lost it?" Athena said coming from the kitchen.

"No." Topaz said.

"But why don't we have Loki show us some moves." Harley said stand up right.

"Harley no offence but," Loki said "With that flexible you could have been one."

"Or and acrobat." Harley countered.

"Guys," Topaz said "Loki please show us what you can do?"

"I would but I don't have a pole," Loki said.

Then Topaz got up and pushed a few buttons behind Tony's bar and stripper pole rose up in the middle of the living room…

"Should I be worried that you know that's there?" Loki asked.

"Loki," Topaz said "Show us what you got!"

Then the Wobble came through the ceiling and Loki got on the pole and started dancing. Steve just stared from his hiding place in awe. Loki was too damn flexible it should have been illegal, seriously Steve was going to tell the Avengers about this. Loki was bending and flexing in every way possible when he was done he said "I haven't been able to do that in years."

"So," Topaz said "Are you on board?"

"Totally but you're paying," Loki said.

Then Steve chose that exactly moment to walk into the room and everybody looked at him, Steve walked up to Loki, pulled out his wallet and handed him 200 dollars in cash and said "Never do that in front of me ever again." And walked out.

*o*O*o*

At dinner Steve told everybody what he saw today…

"That man was so damn flexible," Steve said turning a very dark shade of red.

"Why do these conversations we have involve Loki doing something very disturbing that we'll have nightmares about?" Clint asked.

"I don't know but I need to see the tape of Loki pole dancing," Tony said.

"Or I could just perform for you guys right now." Loki said from the door way.

Loki was dress in his black boot and tight leather pants, he didn't have a shirt on and his friends we're right behind him…

"Yes," Came Tony, Bruce, and Clint.

"No," Came from Steve and Thor.

Out voted the male Avengers watched Loki got on the pole and Tony, Bruce and Clint watch. When Loki got done Tony, Bruce, Clint, Steve, and Thor got out their wallets. Tony, Bruce, and Clint paid him to come back and do it again, Steve and Thor paid him to never do it for as long as they lived.

The next day Loki came back and worked the pole for Tony and Clint, and Fury walked in on them as Loki was bending backwards, Fury stayed there for a minute before Loki, Tony and Clint notice him. Then Fury got out his check book and wrote Loki a check for 50,000 dollars and said "Never pole dance again for as long as I live."

Loki took the check and took Natasha, Pepper, Jane, and Suicide Squad for a girls night out.

*o*O*o*

**Yep, Loki can pole dance, and he will never do it again thanks to Fury. Hey check out my new Story or some of my old stories.**

**Luv,**

**Serialkiller13**


	4. Bruce

**Chapter 4, today's spotlight….. Bruce! Let's see what happens in my mind. MAWHAHAHA!**

** *o*O*o***

Bruce was just being his quiet and collective self as usual when he was greeted by the smell of smoke. At first he thought Tony was trying to cook again, but he heard Suicide Squad's voices and decided to listen in on their conversation…

"Man I can believe they don't let you smoke on Asgard," Sapphire said.

"Believe it," Loki said taking a drag of his cigarette "I had to sneak into Idunn's garden if I wanted to smoke."

"Wait doesn't Idunn hate you?" Diamond said.

"No, that's just a myth," Loki said "We're actually really good friends, I don't get why the mortals thinks she hates me."

"Um… some myth about her apples," Topaz said.

"Oh that myth," Loki said "That was a lie made up by Hoder."

"Hoder? As in Balder twin brother?" Athena said.

"Yeah he tried to rape Idunn centuries ago and I killed him." Loki said.

"Then why does everybody believe she hates you?" Harley said.

"I made her tell a lie so that it would seem that she hated me," Loki said.

"Ok then," Sapphire said.

"Yep," Loki said.

"So quick question," Harley said "When did everybody start smoking?"

"After I kiss someone at a concert," Sapphire said "He tasted like cigarettes and I got a craving for one."

"After I first let my inner demon out," Diamond said "I was so stressed I lit one up and smoke my worries away."

"After I turned 118," Topaz said "I was going to wait until I was 121 but I was having fun and the champagne, woo."

"After I shot somebody's eye out," Athena said "I was so pumped."

"After I twisted somebody's neck," Harley said "And you guys were there."

"After I had my lips sew shut," Loki said "I need something to calm myself down so I lit one up and kept going from there."

"Ok we all started smoking on different reasons," Sapphire said "But the point is…um…"

"Was there even a point?" Loki said.

"Probably not." Harley said.

At this point Bruce came into the room and said "Please tell me you have ashtrays with you?"

Everybody looked at each other and pulled out ashtrays from behind their backs, and Bruce said "Ok I don't want to know how that's possible just use some air fresher when you're done."

And Bruce walked out of there, he was totally telling the other Avengers about this.

*o*O*o*

Bruce told everybody what he heard today and Thor was the first to speak…

"I thought Loki had out grown the nasty habit," Thor said.

"Nasty habit!?" Bruce said "The man didn't start until his lips were sewed shut!"

"I know but he smell like ashes all the time after he got the threads out," Thor said "So the Allfather forbidden him to smoke."

"Yes and look how that turned out," Athena said coming into the room.

"Loki can I please," Sapphire said walking in with the rest of Suicide Squad.

"Sure he deserves it," Loki said. Then Sapphire bitch slapped Thor before grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him to her face and said "If you or your father hurt Loki again I will personally storm on to Asgard and pimp slap both of you to oblivion, do you understand me!?"

Thor gulped and nodded furiously and Sapphire shoved him back into his seat, then Diamond backhand Thor in the face and said "Same goes for you only I might let out my inner demon."

Then Topaz slapped him and said "Same thing only I might play with your minds to see how long it will for both you and your father to break."

Then Athena pimp slapped him and said "Same, only I will personally make sure that I put arrows so deep in your knees that you will never be able to walk again."

And finally Harley backhands him and said "I will get Mr. Hammer on you and trust me sweetheart, I will bring my bazooka and my knives and I won't stop until you and Odin feel the pain Loki has."

Thor sat there and nodded, the 5 women glare at him one last time for a good measure before Loki said "Guys Revenge is coming on in 30 minutes and we haven't left yet."

Loki was already out the door but before the girls left Harley said "Give our regards to Odin and the rest of Asgard." And they left. After they were gone Tony said "You and your family are screwed."

"I know." Thor said grabbing his hammer and heading out to the balcony.

"Where you gong buddy?" Clint called out.

"To Asgard to warn the Allfather," Thor called back.

"I wonder how that will go." Steve said.

*o*O*o*

When Thor got off the bifrost he did a double take at the gatekeeper….

"Heimdall, why do you look afraid?" Thor asked.

"Anybody would be afraid for their safety if they saw what those women did to you." Heimdall said.

"Aye, that's why I came to warn the Allfather and all of Asgard." Thor said.

"Go ahead." Heimdall said.

*o*O*o*

When Thor explains everything to the Allfather, his mother and his friends they all started laughing…

"Thor you really expect us to be afraid of LOKI'S friends." Fandral said.

"You should be afraid." Sapphire said from behind Thor and Loki and the rest of Suicide Squad came up behind her.

"Sapphire you really don't have to…" Loki started but was cut off by Sapphire saying "Yes we do." Then she turned back to the people before her…

"So Fandral you're not afraid of us?" Sapphire question in a dangerous friendly tone circling him.

"Of course not," Fandral said "Me nor the warriors 3 fear Squad of Suicide."

Then Sapphire yanks him down to her eye level and says "First of all its Suicide Squad get it right, Second you should fear us if something happens to Loki."

"What do you mean if anything happens to the Liesmith?" Volstagg said. Then he got slapped by Sapphire and kick in the stomach and flipped over on his back…

"His name is Loki," Sapphire said glaring at Volstagg "Get it right."

Then she addressed the Allfather who was trying to hide behind his wife…

"If anything happens to Loki on Asgard, I will personally come back and bitch slap you on your throne Odin." Sapphire said. Odin nodded and Sapphire looked at the Warriors 3 and Lady Sif and said "If you ever insult Loki again I won't slap you I will break you."

"Break us?" Fandral said.

"Yes," Sapphire said grinning "Like this."

Then she pull out her knife and said "I will use this knife Loki gave me and skin you, stab you and torture you until there's nothing left."

Then the Warriors 3 and Lady Sif gave a weak nod and Sapphire addresses Loki "Loki sweetheart."

"Yes?" Loki said.

"When I say Suicide Squad is family," Sapphire said throwing the knife at Odin with landed at his foot "I mean we're family."

"Thanks but was having everybody slap Thor and scare the crap out of everybody really necessary?" Loki said and Sapphire raised an eyebrow.

"Ok now that I say it out loud I can see why it was necessary." Loki said "Can we go back to my place now?"

"Sure," Sapphire said and everybody was gone in a flash of green light.

"So do you believe me now?" Thor said.

Everybody just nodded.

*o*O*o*

**Yeah that's right I did it, I threated Odin, Sif, and the Warriors 3. Love me in the review section.**

**Luv,**

**Serialkiller13**


	5. Thor

**Double updates, I'm on vacation so yeah. Just enjoy the story.**

** *o*O*o***

Thor was just walking to the kitchen one day when he heard his brother and his friends were talking about something so he decided to listen…

"And so after the truck crashed, I get a call from Morgan, and he said that the bitch active the emergency flood chambers so we couldn't deactivate the bomb," Harley said.

"The emergency flood chambers?" Loki said "Why didn't he activate the flood chambers in the first place so they would even have the bomb?"

"I don't know," Harley said "So I took my plane and hook it up to the bomb and fly it out of there, and I jump out off the plane but they thought I was dead, but I wasn't, so later I gave my mentor her dream, to see me in Italy with a boyfriend and I nod to her and she nods back because we both now I've made it."

"Great story," Athena said.

"Yeah I can't believe no important characters died in that story," Topaz said.

"Yeah pretty sweet right," Harley said.

"I mean you had your back broken, your heart broken, your bank account broken," Diamond said.

"Yep," Harley said.

"Bitch you got stabbed." Sapphire said.

"Yep," Harley said sipping her coffee.

"How are you still breathing right now?" Loki said "Wait, no, never mind, I did not just say that."

But Harley takes a deep breath and said "Because I'm Harley Quinn!"

"I walk right into that one." Loki said.

"Yeah you kind of did." Harley says with a smile on her face.

Thor starts laugh and realizes he's in front of the door way and the girls are staring at him…

"I just came for some pop tarts." Thor said grabbing pop tarts and practically running out of there.

*o*O*o*

Thor told everybody what he heard at dinner...

"Wait she had her back broken, her heart broken, and her bank account broken," Tony said.

"And she got stabbed!" Clint exclaimed.

"How is she still breathing!?" Bruce asked.

"Because I'm Harley Quinn!" Harley said from the door way.

"That's not a valid answer Harls," Loki said coming into the room.

"Just get the scotch and let's go." Sapphire said impatiently from behind Harley.

"What! You're not touching my babies!" Tony said running to the bar. Then everybody hear a shot go off and Tony was on the floor not moving…

"YOU SHOT TONY!" Clint yelled.

"Check him over pudding." Harley said blowing smoke from her gun's barrel. As it turns out Tony was tied up with streamers and struggling to get out and Loki put a huge cotton ball in his mouth to shut him up…

"How many bottles do we need?" Loki asked Sapphire.

"12 should be enough." Sapphire said filing her nails. Loki grabbed 12 bottles of Tony's good scotch and flash out of there. When Tony broke free he sat at the bar a cried. Nobody bother him for the rest of the night.

*o*O*o*

**I had to tie Tony up, sorry. Review please.**

**Luv,**

**Serialkiller13**


	6. Fury

**Triple updates!Ok the finally chapter, this is Nick Fury, I'm going to have too much fun. Enjoy my overactive imagination.**

** *o*O*o***

Nick Fury was going to pay a surprise visit to the Avengers, when he hear Loki and his friends talking, being a spy he decided to investigate what was going on, he saw Loki and his friends getting high so he said "What are y'all doing?"

They all turn to him and Loki said "NICCCCCK! So glad you came."

"I am too." Fury said coming closer.

"Dude you should totally smoke one." Topaz said stone out of her mind.

"Yeah it's the good shit." Athena said. Nick looked at her and took a blunt off of the ashtray and almost immediately everybody started chanting "Smoke it, smoke it, smoke it, smoke it."

Fury took a drag and Loki said "Now the fun begins!"

*o*O*o*

The Avengers came into the living room later that day to find Loki, Fury, and Suicide Squad higher than the empire state building. At the moment Fury was downing a very large bottle of vodka while Loki and Suicide Squad chanted "Go, go, go, go."

When Fury finished the bottle, everybody cheered. So Tony cleared his throat and everybody looked at him…

"Director Fury?" Tony said.

"Yes, To… To…. Whatever you name is." Fury said giggling like a little school girl.

"Sir are you high?" Clint said.

"A little." Loki said giggling.

"Don't forget it's the good shit too." Fury said and he and Loki burst out laughing leaning on each other for support. The Avengers were just shocked looking at them then Fury said "You guys should try this."

"Um sir?" Natasha said.

"As director of SHIELD I order you get high of your asses right now." Fury said trying to be intimidating. Tony shrugs and said "Yes sir."

"Tony?" Clint said "Since when do you listen to Fury?"

"Since he just gave us permission to get stoned." Tony said taking a long drag from the blunt.

Clint joined him a second later, and Bruce came 3 second after that, everybody else just left to do something else.

*o*O*o*

Nick Fury woke up the next morning to find himself cuddling the god of mischief and he had a very bad headache. Then he heard a click, he open his one good eye to see his response team taking pictures of him cuddling with Loki…

"Nick, you know there are rules about fraternizing with the enemy," Tony said grinning "Care to explain why you're cuddling Loki."

"What!" Loki screeched falling off the sofa to reveal that he and Fury were handcuffed together "The hell I thought you were Sapphire!"

"Why are we handcuffed together?" Fury said.

"How should I know!?" Loki said.

Then everybody hear a huge click and a very angry Sapphire say "Turn around slowly."

When Fury turned around he saw the god of mischief's girlfriend holding a semi-automatic bazooka…

"Ok, that is a bazooka!" Clint said.

"And I might not have to use it," Sapphire said "If your director tells me why he's cuddling my boyfriend and why he's handcuff with my good kinky ones."

"Kinky!" Tony said and everybody lost it, they all laugh until they cried. But Fury said to Sapphire "I don't know why we were like this but if you please un-cuff us."

Sapphire put the bazooka down and pulls out a pair of keys and unlocked them before picking up her weapon again and saying "Now I know we got high last night and very drunk, but,"

Sapphire turns to Fury who looked very afraid for a second "If I every catch you touch my boyfriend again I will personally end you, got it?"

Fury nods and says "Yes ma'am."

"Now leave I will handle your response team," Sapphire said turn the bazooka on the Avengers who stop laughing.

"Now you will delete any video footage of what your director did will he was high and you will forget this conversation ever happen and you will stop eavesdropping on Suicide Squad's conversations, or else I will use Loki's bazooka on you, understand?"

Everybody nodded, and Sapphire turned to Fury again and said "Now director I hope you have a nice day." And she walks out of the room.

"Sapphire is scary when she wants to be," Loki says "I guess that's why I date her and why she's the leader."

"Your one lucky bastard," Fury said leaving thinking _'I guess I'll have to postpone that meeting with Suicide Squad's leader.'_

*o*O*o*

**The end people! I had to do this so what do you think, review for me please.**

**Luv,**

**Serialkiller13**


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